Dez' School Update

It is not hard to see that we've been a little behind on the blogging. We have several posts in the works and hope to get them finished soon including our trip to the Mission at San Juan Capistrano, our log cabin getaway, and our latest visit home.  For now I will take a few minutes to update you all on where I am at in my program.

This fall I will start my third and final year studying spiritual formation and soul care at the Institute for Spiritual Formation.  In January the focus of my program shifted from theoretical knowledge of how God grows souls to more practical, hands on training in the art of spiritual direction.  I had the opportunity to give spiritual direction to two Biola undergrads this semester.  I can't tell you how this encouraged my own soul.  It was incredible to watch God work through me.  As I spiritual director I am there to help facilitate the conversation between the directee and the Lord.  So I have to be fully present and able to listen to both parties at the same time.  I am learning about listening to the Holy Spirit and trusting in His work in each person.  This has been a growing experience for me.  It seems in my experience that Evangelicals (including me) aren't sure what to do with the Holy Spirit.  He is the odd man out in the Trinity replaced by the much more tangible and easier to grasp Bible.  Don't get me wrong, it is critical as Christians to know the Bible and to hide God's Word in our hearts, but I think we have long been remiss in getting acquainted with the Holy Spirit who is alive and working in each of us right this very minute.  

As a requirement in for my program, I have been in therapy since November and am in the process of finishing up this month.  It has been an incredible gift.  It has been an opportunity for me to explore some painful places in my history in a safe space.  It has given me the chance to get more honest with myself and Brandon, to grieve for things lost, and to come to terms with my own humanity.  This has opened up much more space in my heart: to love others with their foibles, to deal more kindly with myself, to forgive those who have hurt me, to ask forgiveness of those whom I have hurt, to trust others with more of myself, and to get acquainted with myself apart from other's expectations of me.  Now, don't let me give you the wrong impression, therapy is hard work.  I cried for weeks and months on end, I had angry days and very sad days, I had to look at things about myself and others that I'd tried so long and so hard to ignore.  It takes real courage to be honest and to choose to feel the feelings that I'd long suppressed.  It takes support from those closest to you to encourage you on.  They have to carry the faith for you that you will come out the other side, a healthier, more whole, and more fully alive person.  I can't express how much Brandon was this support to me.  Even when experiencing the fallout of my emotional distress, he stayed by me and loved me.  This too was an incredible gift.

In the fall I will be a full-time student again.  In addition to classes I will also have 10 directees.  This feels like quite a jump from just two!  We see directees every other week for an hour, but it also takes quite a bit of prep time to prepare oneself to open to the Lord and another person.  You have to clean up your own internal house in order to be able to offer hospitality to another.  I also receive supervision as a spiritual director in training.  We tape all of our sessions and listen to the parts we struggled in our supervision groups every week, so we can get help and grow in our skills.

It is hard to even speculate what will happen beyond graduation in May.  We are waiting for the Lord to begin to speak to us about what He has next for us.  We would love for you to join in praying for the Lord's guidance for us as we begin to wonder about what will come next.